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I took the whole day off, today (Saturday), for a change, and it was nice.

I stayed up the night before till 3AM playing a game, then slept until 2PM in the afternoon. After doing my usual "morning" things (taking the dogs out, taking meds, seeing if there was any coffee) I settled down to a day full of movies and games.

I didn't speak to anyone on the phone. I didn't speak to anyone online, except for about 5 minutes when G popped on at what would've been around 3:30 in the morning, for him.

I am quite peaceful and I don't hurt nearly as much as I usually do. It was a blessed relief not to be constantly on call for this little problem, or that little spat, or the hundred other little nitpicking things I handle in the day.

The only thing I really missed was talking to Jeff. He emailed me with the nicest thing after I told everyone I was taking the weekend off: "What if I just want to take you in my arms, stroke your hair and let you know how much I love you?" Now THAT I could've definitely gone for.

I am seriously wondering if I made a mistake bringing not one, but two dogs into my life, especially after what happened Thursday night/Friday morning.

I had my bird cage hanging from a hook in the ceiling, to keep the birds safe from the dogs and cats. Well, a couple of the cats just got too big of a kick out of putting their paws on the lower part of the cage, and swinging it around. Sometime between 2AM Friday morning, and when I got up at 7:30, they'd swung the cage enough to make the hook in the ceiling let loose.

I walked out into the living room to view a disaster. The cage was on the floor in one spot, its bottom in another, and no sign of any of the three parakeets. What I didn't realize till after I'd woken up a little more is I'd walked right over the mangled remains of my favourite parakeet, Violet. He was quite obviously a victim of the dog; there wasn't much left, save a head attached to mangled guts with wing bones sticking out of it. I was in so much shock I didn't even cry.

First thing I did was reassemble the cage on the outside chance that one of the other two were still alive.

I looked around for two more mangled keets and didn't find bodies, so I held out a distant hope that Gizmo and Bluey were still alive, though I doubted it with cats who can get into nooks and crannies.

This was one of the times I thanked my lucky stars that my house IS a mess, as a matter of fact. I got the sense that they were alive, but hidden, and my "radar" gave me approximate locations. I sat on the edge of the recliner, listening and watching, and also watching the behaviour of two of my cats, Athena and Jade. It was the cats who verified what my innate sense had told me, as for the location of the two birds. Next thing I know, I saw Bluey's head poke out of one pile of junk, under the stand that holds my TV and stereo equipment. In the process of catching him, I accidentally pulled out his tail feathers. They'll grow back, but in the meantime, he looks rather ridiculous - he doesn't have wing pin feathers either, they were cut back at the pet store and they'd not yet grown back in...so, picture a lil blue parakeet with no tail and no long wing feathers. He knows he looks funny, too, but I don't care - he's ALIVE and that's all that matters.

Both Jade and Athena kept poking around behind the computer desk that sits out in my living room (and on which, one of these days, I will have my computer, once I get up the gumption to move the heavy-as-hell 19" monitor). There were chairs and junk piled in front of it, so it took me a bit to clear a path. Athena poked her nose where Gizmo was - but, surprisingly, wasn't trying to take a chunk out of him. I managed to crawl underneath the desk and reach around into a corner, to pull out a very angry green parakeet who promptly took his frustrations out on my hand (they can bite HARD).

Both birds were safely restored to their cages, and I have two of my cats to thank, for helping me find them. The dog is a different matter, and brings us back to my original subject.

All of my cats are house cats. Only two have spent any time running the streets; they were formerly strays. Of the other three, I've had two since they were kittens, and the third since she was just over a year old (she always lived with people). The two who were strays have been under my roof for 7 years, now. None of them harmed the birds. I don't think they know how; it's either that, or they're just too well-fed.

Now, Sadie, the dog. She killed Violet. It wasn't the first time she'd shown aggression toward the birds; when I first got the new cage and the two new keets after Celt died, she dashed at the cage like she'd like nothing better than to mangle them. Well, she got her chance with one of them.

Sasha, I wasn't planning on. I got her from someone I know, because she's gonna grow up to be too big for their household (three kids, two of which are autistic). She's sweet enough, but she's also a pain in the ass who can't seem to get herself fully potty-trained.

I must ask myself: Can I look at Sadie the same, after what she did? Will I ever get over the fear that it'll happen again, on another night when I'm so exhausted that I sleep so deeply that I didn't even hear it? Are these two dogs just too much work for me?

I am sincerely thinking of giving them up, now, before summer when the shelter is overloaded and there won't be room. I know that Sasha, at least, will be adopted - she's still a puppy. Sadie I'm not so sure about; I rescued her off Death Row to begin with. However, both will be good with children, just not small ones.

I'm thinking I'd be far better off just with my cats, as always. I recently got offered a kitten, once the litter is weaned, and I plan to take her. Cats are fairly self-sufficient, quite affectionate if brought up right, and, as detailed above, not as likely to eat my birds if they should happen to get loose.

I'm not the type of person who just gives up her pets, though; this would be a first for me. However, I do have to consider that my health IS worsening and both of them are a lot of work. When I first got Sadie, I'd planned on taking her for walks. Well, if I can walk any distance, these days, I thank my lucky stars because my lower back and legs are in worse shape. I don't think I have it in me to dog walk, anymore.

I also feel like I am cheating them from a truly full life. Sadie, for instance, loves kids. One time when she got loose, some of the neighbour kids found her, and she had a ball with them. Sasha, as well, is a very active dog, and would do well with kids who could walk, run, and play with her. I can't do any of those things, anymore. I am really considering that it's not fair to either one of them to be cooped up in this tiny, cluttered cottage with me.

If anyone has any thoughts, feel free to share them.

Date: 5/9/04 06:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ladyegreen.livejournal.com
You have my condolescences on the loss of your parakeet and my relief on the successful rescue of the other two.

L.

Your day off...

Date: 5/9/04 07:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] docjeff.livejournal.com
I took the whole day off, today (Saturday), for a change, and it was nice.

And it was more than well-deserved. I still think you work far too hard, honey.

I am quite peaceful and I don't hurt nearly as much as I usually do.

Forcing the stressful situations to stay away is always a healing thing. I'm happy you found some relief from the pain.

The only thing I really missed was talking to Jeff. He emailed me with the nicest thing after I told everyone I was taking the weekend off: "What if I just want to take you in my arms, stroke your hair and let you know how much I love you?" Now THAT I could've definitely gone for.

It would be a perfect day for me to sit with you in my arms and just be together.

I looked around for two more mangled keets and didn't find bodies, so I held out a distant hope that Gizmo and Bluey were still alive, though I doubted it with cats who can get into nooks and crannies.

One thing I've learned about cats is that they will often surprise you at the oddest of times.

so, picture a lil blue parakeet with no tail and no long wing feathers. He knows he looks funny, too, but I don't care - he's ALIVE and that's all that matters.

Amen to that. A little embarrassment at the Budgie meetings doesn't match up to the basic concept that he's still alive. Hmm, an image floats through my head - Punk Rock Budgie Bluey. :)

Athena poked her nose where Gizmo was - but, surprisingly, wasn't trying to take a chunk out of him.

I wonder if she just felt the need to point Gizmo out to you.

Cats are fairly self-sufficient, quite affectionate if brought up right, and, as detailed above, not as likely to eat my birds if they should happen to get loose.

In my experience, cats only kill for food or if they feel they're being attacked. Yours are well-fed which is very probably why they didn't bother the birds.

If anyone has any thoughts, feel free to share them.

I'd miss hearing about Sadie and Sasha but you really have to do what is right for you at this point. If they're too much work for you then it's best to give them up now while you still can and they can still be adopted.

I love you, shug. :*

I'm so sorry

Date: 5/9/04 05:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] be4u.livejournal.com
to hear about Violet :(
Is it a possibility to keep the bird cage in your bedroom, with the door shut? Keep the dogs seperate from the birds, maybe?

Date: 5/11/04 04:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] calamityrose.livejournal.com
Oh gawds, I know how it hurts to lose a beloved pet. I have a bird also...

If you can't put up with the dogs anymore hon, put an ad in one of the free papers. Someone will want them. I found a Really good home for a huge dog of mine, one with kids too! He just jumped in their car and never looked back (hmpf, talk about gratitude) He was a full-grown dog too and it took all of two days of posting flyers and talking to ppl to find him a wonderful home! I don't regret it at all. :) My thoughts, FWIW *hugs*

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Marie Wonka

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