The Klingon programmer

[fanciful_muse]

Sauce: http://gradha.sdf-eu.org/textos/klingon_programmer.en.html

Top 20 things likely to be overheard if you had a Klingon Programmer:

1. Defensive programming? Never! Klingon programs are always on the
   offense. Yes, offensive programming is what we do best.


2. Specifications are for the weak and timid!


3. This machine is GAGH! I need dual Pentium
   processors if I am to do battle with this code!


4. You cannot really appreciate Dilbert
   unless you've read it in the original Klingon.


5. Indentation?! - I will show you how to indent when I indent your
   skull!


6. What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software
   'releases'. Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers
   and quality assurance people in its wake.


7. Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' - they have
   'arguments' -- and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.


8. Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the
   weak. Bugs are good for building character in the user.


9. I have challenged the entire ISO-9000 quality assurance team to a
   Bat-Leth contest on the holodeck. They will not concern us again.


10. A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his
    code!


11. By filing this bug report you have challenged the honor of my family.
    Prepare to die!


12. You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you
    stand!


13. Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship
    it and let them flee like the dogs they are!


14. Our competitors are without honor!


15. Python? That is for children. A Klingon Warrior uses only machine
    code, keyed in on the front panel switches in raw binary.


16. Klingon programs don't do accountancy. For that, you need a
    Ferengi.


17. Klingon multitasking systems do not support "time-sharing".
    When a Klingon program wants to run, it challenges the scheduler in
    hand-to-hand combat and owns the machine.


18. Perhaps it IS a good day to die! I say we ship it!


19. My program has just dumped Stova Core!


20. Behold, the keyboard of Kalis! The greatest Klingon code warrior
    that ever lived!