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Mar. 27th, 2000 04:49 am
fanciful_muse: (Default)

I believe in love, and beauty. The ability to create both and share them makes me very happy.

Please don't mistake my attitude for aloofness. I have been through a lot and might take a little bit to warm up to you. Please don't take it personally.

If you're honest, straightforward, a lover of beauty, an artist at heart, with an open mind, talk to me. You will find in me a kindred spirit.

The world has many shades of grey, and many shades of color. Come with me and explore it all.

Always on the search for the fascinating and beautiful. Free thinker. Forever evolving.

Click all pictures for bigger.

fanciful_muse: (pentagram and leaves)
I have decided to combine both my journals into one, since both represent aspects of my life, and not truly separate things.

Please friend this journal: http://fanciful-muse.livejournal.com

I'll be making current entries in that journal from now on.
fanciful_muse: (biohazard)


This is what you call me...

I strike terror among men.
I can't be bothered by what they think.
I bare my cross,
My soul,
I forgive,
but i never forget.
I've been put upon this earth in female form.
But I can handle myself with the best of you,
As well as the worst.
And I often have.
I have the right to remain silent,
But i choose to speak,
I am lips,
I am the power of a woman,
Strong like music,
True like friendship,
But without my friends,
There would be no music.
Only spoken word.

Fucker! x2

I am able to change,
So I live without regret,
Without remorse,
Only a remix.
I am drunk,
I am sober.
Heaven doesn't want me
And Hell's afraid i'll take over
Don't bother trying to censor me,
Or shut me up,
Because it won't work.
I am cold and distant,
Yet warm and close,
To those who deserve to see that side of me.
Part of me the heart of me.
You find me so hard to understand in your world.
The world you perceive to be so normal.
I am deformed,
Scorned ,
I am me,
And i know exactly who i am,
What i am
And the wrath i bring.
The ugly beauty,
The lying truth,
The virgin whore
The quiet storm
A lover,
A fighter,
A saint,
A sinner,
A sister,
A daughter
Old school.
A beginner.
I have decorated myself with love,
All of you,
Both of you,
None of you,
More than one of you

Fucker! x2

With lips like sugar.
Eyes like meat.
I've watched men come,
And go,
And cheat.
I sleep to dream
And dream of sleep.
I had a dream joe
That you were standing in the middle of an open grove.
I had a dream joe
That your hands were raised up to the sky
And your mouth was covered in foam.
I've been crucified,
And mortified by my behavior.
Both feminine,
And masculine.
I am a contradiction,
And juxtaposition.
My relief is my release,
And only time will tell.
All's well that ends well
I am unsweetened,
Been called drama queen.
Ex girlfriend,
Ex member,
The tantrum,
The temper.
I point my finger,
Take the blame.
And this time I will own the name.
Because no one is going to ruin me.
If i have to,
I will ruin myself.
And it will be 'My Ruin'(My Ruin)

fucker! x5


Nov. 18th, 2012 03:31 am
fanciful_muse: (Default)
On the 17th of November, when our best friend begged you to set aside your differences with me, you couldn't do it. Not even for her. Your ego is too important, and hurting me for taking away your backdoor support is more important.

I have erased you from my life as much as I can.

Your phone numbers are deleted.
Your pictures are packed away.
Everything in my inventory that you gave me or that had your name on it - gone.
Your blogs, blocked.
Your email, blocked.
Your main and two alt avatars, blocked.

After seeing the level you will sink to in the name of your almighty ego, I want nothing more to do with you.

fanciful_muse: (Default)
Please come join us for the Unhinged Festival in Second Life, a fundraising effort to help eku Zhong get a bone replacement in her head. More information and the slurl to go can be found on the following website:


Hope to see you there!

What now?

Nov. 16th, 2012 12:18 am
fanciful_muse: (Default)
If there's one thing you discover, after spending enough time in virtual worlds, is the experience causes you to look inside, to question yourself, to perhaps ressurect talents that were dormant, or better define your beliefs in certain things.

It will, definitely, lead you to ask yourself just where you fit in.

For every person you meet, for every venue you attend, you will find differences that people tend to cluster around. I am avoiding the use of the word "clique", mainly because I don't think a lot do it for that sake, but simply because it's human nature to gravitate toward that which rings true with you, makes you feel like you belong.

I am at a time in my virtual life where I'm not sure where I fit. I like to wear clothing a lot would associate with BDSM, but really have no driving desire to delve further into that community. I am the leader of a vampire and lycan clan, but because my family is small, I'm finding it hard to feel like I'm an accepted part of that community. I like PG things now and then, but not all the time...and the same goes for Adult.

I think a part of this stems from my current state of being single. I spent most of my time on Second Life being the partner of the same person - so for that to end, forces me to once again redefine myself, whether I like it, or not.

I was beginning to settle in, and get used to being by myself, when a very vibrant and intense personality came along and wanted to be my new partner. Our relationship lasted all of a week and a half, during which we did, in fact, get engaged...then he decided he would rather not be partnered, because there were too many he wanted to date that were actually closer to his RL age.

While I did cry at his leaving, and did get angry after that, I cannot blame him, and I have to give him credit for being honest with me. That doesn't mean it didn't hurt - a lot - and didn't leave me somewhat of a mess, yet again.

I also worry about the fate of our sim and our little family. Things have stalled in the family department, with no new souls coming in, and a few of the existing ones kind of wandering off to do their own thing, and not really inclined to devote time and energy into growing our clan. Hell, let's be honest - quite a few have wandered off doing their own thing and haven't shown any inclination toward growing things right at home.

Here I sit, pretty much alone, and not comfortable with it, at all. I have no problems admitting that I am somewhat of a mess.

What do you do, when everything you've done for the past three years pretty much included a significant other? When even if all your friends were busy, you had at least one person you could always rely on, and now, you don't?

My energies are scattered. A project I should've finished went unworked-on. A project I was hoping would be a huge success has stalled, because I'm having a hard time finding people to staff it. Things that used to bring me great joy, don't right now.

I try very hard to keep a lot of this to myself to present a strong front for my clan...but who does a Queen get to talk to when she's not feeling that strong and capable?

My best friend in all the virtual worlds is offline dealing with a horrific accident that befell her significant other, who is still in the hospital. Hardly anyone else keeps the crazy strange hours I do.

I am at a crossroads but I don't know which way to go.

A lot of people would do an "avatar geographic" - either changing their looks in a radical way, or abandoning their avatars for a new one. I don't want to do either, quite frankly. I'm happy with Marie. I think she has a lot to offer, because I, as her "pilot", have a lot to offer.

I'm just feeling very lonely right now and unsure what to do with myself.
fanciful_muse: (full moon)
"Because many white conservatives only interact with like-minded people who come from the same racial background, it seemed obvious to them that Obama was going to be defeated on election night. With the defeat of Mitt Romney, they are experiencing the universal hurt that comes when reality interjects itself into a dream world and fantasy.

Many white people are feeling imperiled because President Obama’s win is being framed by the news media as a sign that people of color are gaining political power in the United States. The pundits keep talking about “the browning of America” and how the Republican Party will continue to lose elections if it just relies on white voters to win. I imagine that many white people, especially conservatives and older voters, may be feeling a bit obsolete as the country changes around them.

But I will tell you things that other people will not; I will tell you the truth even when it makes you upset.

The media wants to scare you with all sorts of talk about how, in a few decades, America will be a “majority minority” country. You “want your country back,” and people mock you for these sentiments. I am a good listener. Other people find joy in your tears and from the sad images of Mitt Romney’s headquarters, Republican rallies, and voters on election night. I feel your pain.

Guess what? Things are going to be okay.

First, we need to admit that many white conservatives have a problem. They are victims. I know that you do not want to hear that word. “Victims” is a word that only the liberals, progressives, Black people, gays, and feminists use.

Please hear me out. We know that most conservatives get their news and information exclusively from Fox News and other types of right-wing media. I get the appeal of this habit: it feels really good to be told that your point of view is correct, and that most of the country agrees with you, even when it does not.

You are very trusting people by nature. As conservatives, you are also very deferential to authority. Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, and the right-wing media have been saying that good white folks like you are being discriminated against by Barack Obama and his legions of black and brown people. There are supposedly groups of Black radicals who stand around outside polling places, looking all mean and angry, and a Black attorney general who hates white people. According to sites like the Drudge Report, there are roving gangs of Black people who live to waylay and beat up white people. Hispanic immigrants are sneaking into the country by the millions and taking your jobs.

A good many of you white people think things are so bad in the Age of Obama that you actually believe that anti-white “racism” is a huge problem facing the country. White men are supposedly the saddest and most oppressed of all groups , as recent research has revealed that many of them have lost all hope in the country’s future.

The right-wing media failed you. They lied and told you that Mitt Romney would win in a landslide. They cooked up stories about voter fraud and rigged polls that were biased against Republicans. The right-wing media machine betrayed you, its audience."

Read More

A poem

Nov. 14th, 2012 09:34 pm
fanciful_muse: (Default)
I stare off into space
My eyes, turquoise and cold
No pupils, just glow.

I think
What's out there?
Who, is out there?

Darkened skin flashes in the night
White clothes, glowing as if alive
On their own.

I swish my long, white tail.

I think.
Out there?

I can be
Surrounded by gyrating bodies
A lost soul in the midst of a crowd
Wondering if it's really worth it
Or should I just go home.
fanciful_muse: (nuclear blast)
Over the past few days, we've had Aventures in Borked Electrical Systems.

It started last Friday night with something shorting and making the lights blink on and off, rapidly. I could hear the furnace blower trying to start, so I went into the hall and pushed the thermostat all the way down. The blower started, but there was no heat. It behaved itself the rest of the weekend.

Come Monday, Rico came out and found out the main breaker where the electrical comes in was damaged and needed to be replaced. That meant contacting the electrical company and getting the tether ring on the meter unlocked, so he could remove it, and turn off the electric while replacing the breaker. That took place on Tuesday, and we thought things were fine.

Then more shenanigans happened Wednesday morning. Not three hours after I laid down, Michael was waking me up and telling me about things like power surges and big "pops". I got up, and I could smell electrical burning in the hallway. I immediately went outside and turned the main breaker off, then called Rico.

Rico, Alfons and others spent pretty much the entire day rebuilding the circuit breaker box, replacing the jumper between the halves of this house, and other bits and pieces.

We had electrical casualties. The LED on the stove is out. The fuse is blown on the microwave, and on my main surge suppress strip. My alarm clock is fried, and so is my speaker system, which obviously took a hit before the suppressor's fuse blew. Our router is dead.

Thank all the gods that things like the computers were protected by surge suppression or we'd really be hurting units.

The park is talking about reimbursing us for things like the microwave, provided they can't just replace a fuse. Turns out the previous owners of this house dicked around with the electrical system, adding extra wires and whatnot, and obviously did not have a professional electrician do the work. Every breaker in the box had been loose and therefore weren't functioning as they should. Of course, none of us had any idea of this till the electric was actually used - and freaked out.

I'm on headphones for now till I can afford to replace the subwoofer, which is the heart of my sound system. I found a couple of them on Ebay so maybe next month my Solstice present will be a used subwoofer haha. I also found some listings for the entire speaker system itself, at a much lower price than retail, so it shouldn't be hard to replace, even if the subwoofer I found gets sold.

I am very glad I am renting this house - that makes the park liable for any damages done by the faulty electrical system.

UPDATE: A few hours after writing this entry, the lights went out AGAIN. And again there were surges, so we had to throw the main breaker. Rico came out and verified that there were surges. He messed around with things and what happened? The outdoor light in front, which hasn't worked since we moved in, decided to come on. When I tried to turn it off, there were sparks and surges.

He took the fixture down and discovered it was a DIY job and what had they done? They'd screwed both wires TO the mounting plate. He removed it completely, then had to do a minor repair to the main ground coming in, and now things are fine.

Hopefully that's the worst of it. I'm still unplugging my computer when I go to bed, just in case.

He brought the dead surge strip back to show us the damage done. From the looks of it, the surge overwhelmed it and that's the "pop" Michael heard. I think the plug for my subwoofer was nearest to the damage; that would explain how it got hit before anything else did. The wires inside were burnt to a crisp up to where they hooked into the series of sockets.

Makes me wonder if that generated significantly higher electric bills because we were pulling in extra power that was simply being wasted due to the short.


fanciful_muse: (Default)
Marie Wonka

December 2012

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