Life in general
Jan. 14th, 2011 12:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fanciful_museIt feels like Spring outside. The temp is 57F and despite all the cold weather, we have greenery here in southern California. I live in the high desert north of Los Angeles, a little over 3000 feet up. We've gone from snow, to rain, to dry and sunny. It feels like things are waking up and wanting to grow. I've seen insects already that I didn't expect to see. Sitting in the sun is good, and it moves me to contemplation.
If there is one thing I've learned in my half-century of living, it's that the world is never black and white, but endless shades of grey. Things are constantly in motion and people are constantly changing. What you think is true one day, can be far different a day, week, month or year from now.
From my point of view, you can approach life from one of two ways. You can approach it from a fear-based standpoint, where everyone is your potential enemy, and you actually do have a list of people who have been permanently relegated to "enemy". You are hostile, or at the very least, you keep to yourself. This makes it hard for anyone to show you that they are not your enemy - and gods forbid, if they do something, consciously or unconsiously, to get on the enemy list, their name is forever blazoned on it.
Your tendency is to categorize people in neat, defined little boxes, because your greatest fear is the unknown. If they aren't the type to be so easily defined, they will eventually burst out of your 'box' and do something which introduces unknown elements. This you regard as a threat, and if they're important enough to you, you'll start looking to replace them in the very box they have vacated. It really doesn't matter if they communicate changes to you and/or warn you of what's to come; they were 'supposed' to stay right where you put them, and since they haven't, they've transgressed.
It's the old "shoot first, ask questions later" paradigm. All it serves to do is to isolate you and keep you from what you crave the most - love and companionship. It leaves you alone with yourself, and that's never comfortable. What it boils down to is that you don't have a very high opinion of yourself, so you tend to engage in destructive behaviors like I've outlined which keep you from the good things you do deserve. The saddest part of it is you fail to recognize that you are doing it to yourself. It isn't anyone else's fault, though your tendency is to blame them for not knowing your agenda by osmosis and sticking to it.
The problems with this approach to life are manifold. You shut yourself into a little box to protect yourself, and you miss a lot of good that comes your way, because you're not looking for it. Regarding everything and everyone as your enemy first, enforces your isolation and loneliness. Good people pass by, and you never perceive them. Those few who you've "let in" stand the chance of being forced out at any time, usually because of something they've done that is perfectly innocent. Nobody knows your "game plan" or your strategies; you don't share them. If they "transgress" in the course of normal living, they are to blame for everything you choose to do in reaction - and they're often very surprised by your reaction, because they haven't had any warning. Once they've "failed" your "secret test", they are relegated to the enemy list, and never given another chance - or if they are, they have to meet criteria that most people would regard as utterly fear-driven and ridiculous.
The other way to approach life is to remember that there is very little that is written in stone - and nothing is written in stone when it comes to other people. People change. While they may have been just horrible to associate with at one time, you could run into them later, find out that they've dealt with their issues, and are now the nicest, kindest individual. Should they be forever punished for things they did in the past, when they've shown true growth? Not in the least. You wouldn't want other people doing that to you. Humans are fallible and deserve the benefit of the doubt.
You develop healthy shields, but you remain open to good that may come your way. You take the time to enjoy what's around you - and you truly LOOK at what's around you. For instance, I have the prettiest weeds coming up in my front flowerbed. I was admiring how their colors go from a bright green to a darker purple. Now, how many people would take the time to notice that?
I was recently told "how DARE you friend an ENEMY of mine!" regarding a new friend I've made in virtual worlds. First of all, this person was never an "enemy" of mine, though I was told all kinds of horrible things about them, and even believed some of them, for awhile. Then I realized that I was engaging in something that I would never want others to engage in with me - taking one person's word and not giving the person the benefit of the doubt. I was compelled to apologize to this person, and, in the course of discussing this, found out that they were nothing like what I was led to believe. Most importantly, they weren't spending their time running around badmouthing the other person, as they believed was going on. Neither am I, for that matter.
I have met very few people in my lifetime that didn't change for the better as they grew older. One comes to mind right now - who finally got the therapy and medication to handle his anger issues, and is now a completely different person. To be truly kind and caring in this world, you have to give people the benefit of the doubt. If they're engaging in self-destructive behaviors, you can keep them at arm's length, but is it really productive to close that door forever? Not at all, and it's sad when someone decides to do that. They will never see the improvement, the growth, the potential for giving and receiving love that has developed in that individual.
Every person is unique, and if you turn your back on them, you deprive yourself of their unique-ness, what they can give to you, and what you can give in turn. Life is too short and too painful by itself, so why do that to yourself? Why do that to others? Nobody is going to give you brownie points for keeping a shit list.
I choose to keep my doors open, even to those who are "black and white" and have decided, through no fault of my own, that I am their "enemy". I sit in the sunshine and wish they could feel the hope and serenity that I feel. I wish I could package that up and give that to them, but I can't. All I can do is let them know the door is still open.
If there is one thing I've learned in my half-century of living, it's that the world is never black and white, but endless shades of grey. Things are constantly in motion and people are constantly changing. What you think is true one day, can be far different a day, week, month or year from now.
From my point of view, you can approach life from one of two ways. You can approach it from a fear-based standpoint, where everyone is your potential enemy, and you actually do have a list of people who have been permanently relegated to "enemy". You are hostile, or at the very least, you keep to yourself. This makes it hard for anyone to show you that they are not your enemy - and gods forbid, if they do something, consciously or unconsiously, to get on the enemy list, their name is forever blazoned on it.
Your tendency is to categorize people in neat, defined little boxes, because your greatest fear is the unknown. If they aren't the type to be so easily defined, they will eventually burst out of your 'box' and do something which introduces unknown elements. This you regard as a threat, and if they're important enough to you, you'll start looking to replace them in the very box they have vacated. It really doesn't matter if they communicate changes to you and/or warn you of what's to come; they were 'supposed' to stay right where you put them, and since they haven't, they've transgressed.
It's the old "shoot first, ask questions later" paradigm. All it serves to do is to isolate you and keep you from what you crave the most - love and companionship. It leaves you alone with yourself, and that's never comfortable. What it boils down to is that you don't have a very high opinion of yourself, so you tend to engage in destructive behaviors like I've outlined which keep you from the good things you do deserve. The saddest part of it is you fail to recognize that you are doing it to yourself. It isn't anyone else's fault, though your tendency is to blame them for not knowing your agenda by osmosis and sticking to it.
The problems with this approach to life are manifold. You shut yourself into a little box to protect yourself, and you miss a lot of good that comes your way, because you're not looking for it. Regarding everything and everyone as your enemy first, enforces your isolation and loneliness. Good people pass by, and you never perceive them. Those few who you've "let in" stand the chance of being forced out at any time, usually because of something they've done that is perfectly innocent. Nobody knows your "game plan" or your strategies; you don't share them. If they "transgress" in the course of normal living, they are to blame for everything you choose to do in reaction - and they're often very surprised by your reaction, because they haven't had any warning. Once they've "failed" your "secret test", they are relegated to the enemy list, and never given another chance - or if they are, they have to meet criteria that most people would regard as utterly fear-driven and ridiculous.
The other way to approach life is to remember that there is very little that is written in stone - and nothing is written in stone when it comes to other people. People change. While they may have been just horrible to associate with at one time, you could run into them later, find out that they've dealt with their issues, and are now the nicest, kindest individual. Should they be forever punished for things they did in the past, when they've shown true growth? Not in the least. You wouldn't want other people doing that to you. Humans are fallible and deserve the benefit of the doubt.
You develop healthy shields, but you remain open to good that may come your way. You take the time to enjoy what's around you - and you truly LOOK at what's around you. For instance, I have the prettiest weeds coming up in my front flowerbed. I was admiring how their colors go from a bright green to a darker purple. Now, how many people would take the time to notice that?
I was recently told "how DARE you friend an ENEMY of mine!" regarding a new friend I've made in virtual worlds. First of all, this person was never an "enemy" of mine, though I was told all kinds of horrible things about them, and even believed some of them, for awhile. Then I realized that I was engaging in something that I would never want others to engage in with me - taking one person's word and not giving the person the benefit of the doubt. I was compelled to apologize to this person, and, in the course of discussing this, found out that they were nothing like what I was led to believe. Most importantly, they weren't spending their time running around badmouthing the other person, as they believed was going on. Neither am I, for that matter.
I have met very few people in my lifetime that didn't change for the better as they grew older. One comes to mind right now - who finally got the therapy and medication to handle his anger issues, and is now a completely different person. To be truly kind and caring in this world, you have to give people the benefit of the doubt. If they're engaging in self-destructive behaviors, you can keep them at arm's length, but is it really productive to close that door forever? Not at all, and it's sad when someone decides to do that. They will never see the improvement, the growth, the potential for giving and receiving love that has developed in that individual.
Every person is unique, and if you turn your back on them, you deprive yourself of their unique-ness, what they can give to you, and what you can give in turn. Life is too short and too painful by itself, so why do that to yourself? Why do that to others? Nobody is going to give you brownie points for keeping a shit list.
I choose to keep my doors open, even to those who are "black and white" and have decided, through no fault of my own, that I am their "enemy". I sit in the sunshine and wish they could feel the hope and serenity that I feel. I wish I could package that up and give that to them, but I can't. All I can do is let them know the door is still open.
