fanciful_muse | About Wicca and Covens

What is Wicca, to me?

Wicca isn't about who is right and who is wrong. Wicca isn't about who is the bigger, badder Witch.

Your Coven should be the one place that is Safe for you, where you can be authentic and not worry that people are plotting against you. It should be the one place where you learn how to be open and honest in a loving manner, so that if there is something someone does to bother you, you can say so freely and work it out in a loving manner.

Wicca is a Spirituality that should be part and parcel of every aspect of your life, from the way you greet the day, to the way you greet the evening before bed. Love should color your everyday activities, and you should endeavor to treat others with a gentleness you'd want shown to yourself. This doesn't mean that you should be a doormat or put up with shit from others; rather, set an example with how you handle the situation, take the upper road and handle it in a quiet manner, always remembering that each of us is a faulted human being. We will have bad days, but how we express them is what is important - and how we handle others who are not expressing it well, is also important.

We all grew up within the rigid, Puritan ways of thinking and behaving. It's as much a part of our general culture as anything. However, to be Wiccan, one most actively work to discard these thoughts, and patterns of behavior. We must endeavor to remember that Good and Bad are very relative terms, not absolute. We must always remember that nothing is Black nor White, but endless shades of Grey.

We must know ourselves, deep inside, the Dark and the Light, and every shade of Grey inbetween. This is an ongoing Process, as we change from day to day. We must Know our general motivations, what drives us to do this or that, what angers us easily, and why. Before we can endeavor to truly Know anyone else we must Know ourselves.

Magick is not something you "do", it's something you Live. A sense of Magick should permeate our outlook, from appreciating the warmth of the day, to the shining of Mother Moon at night. There are miracles of Magick all the way around you; learn how to notice them, appreciate them, abide with them.

The moment you get the urge to strike out in a hurting manner against someone else, stop and ask how you would rather be treated were you on the receiving end. Ask yourself why this person's actions or words inspire such hatred in you, then, instead of saying "Bob is wrong because he does such-and-such", try saying "When Bob does such-and-such, it really hurts/angers/saddens me, because of these reasons". It's always a matter of being in touch with your inner feelings and knowing what thing(s) bring up what feeling(s). Don't keep such things to yourself and at the same time, endeavor to express them to the other person in a way you would find easier to "take". No one likes to be "blamed" for something they say or do. Make them aware that it has a detrimental impact on you, then leave it up to them how they choose to handle it. Let it go.

Acceptance is much harder than it seems. There will always be little things about other people that irritate us. What we must decide is if these things are something that can be overlooked, or something that puts a big "stop sign" in front of our faces. Nobody is perfect, and nobody is ever going to be perfect. Nobody is always right, and nobody is always wrong. We do things that irritate others and there again, they must decide if these things are Stop Signs or minor. Give leeway to your fellow Covenmate for being Human.

"Bitch Sessions", where one or more people are held up in front of the rest of the Coven and forced to "answer" for things they have said or done, is one of the worst ways to handle conflict. It makes people targets, forces them to justify rather than work out, makes them feel as though they are "less than" to the others. Rather, have a time at the beginning of each meeting, where if there's an issue, it can be brought up and worked through in a gentle manner. It is too easy to do harm to your fellow Covenmates if you set them on a chair in front of others and point fingers at them, and when you do something like that, you have fingers pointing back at you.

Having a relationship with your fellow Covenmates is really no different than having a romantic relationship or having a familial relationship. If you don't feel you can trust your Covenmates not to hurt you on purpose, then that's a Coven that's a group of people rather than a Coven. A sense of trust and safety MUST be cultivated for a Coven to be a true familial group. Out of all the humans in the world, your Coven should be the one place that feels safe. While there will always be differences between people, for a Coven to work, there must be a common ground shared by all, an understanding that no matter what happens, you can "come home" to that Coven and feel loved, accepted, and safe.

Honesty is not as easy as it sounds, especially when our culture teaches us to be otherwise. Most human beings have the inherent teaching to hide things from others, especially if they feel it will somehow make them "unacceptable" to others. We are taught to conform rather than be diversive. This is something we must learn to overcome, especially with our Covenmates.